Last September, on my 27th birthday, I received the most perfect gift of all -- my boyfriend (now fiance) of more than 4 years popped the question.
Instantly right after that, my days became filled with dreams of a grand wedding - a princess like wedding gown, an elegant and whimsical garden reception, string quartet, gorgeous flower arrangements, candy buffets, photobooth, after party mobile bar sessions and all those other wedding "trends". I bet there is no girl in this world who did not dream of that picture perfect wedding where everything is elegant, beautiful, and sparkly.
Thanks to wedding fairs and the Internet, I had an overwhelming number of ideas on how to make my wedding day unique and stand-out. Everything seemed perfect and fun - grand entrance with butterfly releases, themed out-of town e-sessions, 5-layer personalized fondant cakes, tailored matching bridesmaid/grooms attire, professionally styled reception venue - the list is endless.
And then, reality steps in and pops your bubble. It asks "How much does your fiance have? That costs around Php300,000". AW! (>.<)
The Reality of a Dream Wedding - BUDGET
So, does he have that kind of money? After that realization, I asked my fiance to sit down with me to talk about one of the foremost realities in planning a wedding - budget.
As I read in several articles from the Internet, the second thing couples-to-be must settle (the first is the wedding date) and discuss openly is the wedding budget.
To share or not to share?
In the OLD past, guys are expected to shoulder all of the wedding expense. There are even traditions of giving some form of "dowry" to the family of the bride which may be money, farm animals, heirlooms, or an extra after wedding reception solely for the bride's clan (this happened on my Tito's wedding).
But today, due to the rising cost of gasoline (and everything else), our guys were cut some slack and are now only expected to have the majority share in the wedding expense - especially if both of you are aware of each other's current financial standing.
So, to share or not to share? Well, it all depends on both of you. I know some guys who would insist on sticking to the tradition to pay 100% (even though they have to loan the money, don't know if it's pride or what) while there are some who are open to the majority share thing. Same thing applies to the women.
In our case, I know very well my partner's financial capability. I did not ask him anymore if he could pay up the entire thing, I told him right away that we're doing the majority share thing. I did not want to put him in an awkward (and maybe humiliating) position of admitting he can't pay up. We agreed to a 60/40 division and he will have to buy the rings.
Parents share?
From the very start I know I wouldn't ask (maybe if they volunteer and it is the very very very last resort I will) my parents to shoulder some expenses. Why? I don't want them to have a say on what my wedding should be. That may be harsh to read but how many horror stories have we heard about parents inviting guests you barely know, STRONGLY suggesting ideas for motif color, location, sponsors, etc. etc. Besides, my fiance and I are both working so I think that we should spare our parents this expense because we are OLD enough (we're already getting married right?) for this responsibility.
My fiance already lost his parents, so he's got no choice but to depend on himself. My parents know this and since my family is in a better financial standing than he, is my parents offered to help and told us to just ask anytime if we've reached the end of our strings.
So back to the question, DO WE HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY?
I do. He doesn't. Even with the sharing set-up, the ~300k dream wedding budget will wipe his bank account clean and is credit record soaring.
This is the reality of a wedding - this is one of the realities of marriage. Finances. Compromises.
Do we postpone the wedding plans until he has saved up that amount? With his current salary and all the other investments we're paying up (we bought a vacant lot in 2011 and a separate house and lot this 2013) It will take him two years to put that money up. And there's no freaking way I'll wait that long.
What you need vs what you want - knowing and accepting your limits
This statement made everything clear. I need to get married, and to do this I technically just need a marriage license and a church. Pretty simple right? I bet that would cost around P10,000. BUT, I also want a solemn and memorable wedding. I now know our limits and I decided to accept them and stick with it. I want the butterfly entrances, I want the sparkly princess wedding gown, I want the extravagant reception set-up BUT I don't need it to make my wedding memorable and fun.
Also when you think hard enough, the wedding day is just one day in your life. Yeah, I can hear the "oh but that's the one day you'll never ever forget". But my fiance ending up with a huge loan (which we will eventually share as husband and wife) will also be a day we will never ever forget (at least until we're done paying).
It is hard to let go of your dream wedding, for all I know you've been dreaming about it since you're a kid, but I realized that practicality on this single day affair will yield more benefits. In my case, since we already bought a house I imagined being able to buy major appliances and furniture from the money we will save (you know it, you'll be receiving 3 rice cookers, 3 flat irons, a dozen glassware as wedding presents but no TV or sala set). Or spending it on a honeymoon abroad, which is also an event I bet we will never ever forget. Or just the secure feeling of having enough to start on your own, debt-free.
So, with all that thinking I decided for the best. A simple and memorable wedding on a budget that won't scar our pockets - P100,000.
"Is that even possible?!" I can hear you saying that. Well, I don't know for sure. But that is our limit, so we have to work hard on that. The Internet is teeming with tips and tricks to do that, and I intend to explore them all. This blog is born to document the steps I would take to make that possible. The only I technique I know to keep me sticking to this goal is to ask myself every step "Is this a need or a want? Do I need this?".
What do you think? This just made my wedding planning more fun and exciting. Join me in this wedding adventure!
So P100,00 (or less) wedding goal, commence! :)
*English is not my native language. I hope you'd spare me the grammar lectures.
*I'd like to know what you think. Please drop a comment below.
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